How to Build a Case If You Are Looking to Escape from an Abusive Relationship
Key Takeaway
- Being caught up in an abusive relationship can erode your confidence and resilience, and you need to get yourself into a state, possibly with trusted external support around you, that provides you with the strength to carry out your convictions.
- One of the least well-known ways that an abuser controls their victim is by taking ownership of official documents such as passports and driving licenses.
- There are several legal injunctions that you may be able to take out against your abuser, such as an occupation order, a specific issue order, and a prohibited steps order.
The simple advice to anyone caught in the trap of an abusive relationship is to pack a bag and walk out – if only it were that simple. Unfortunately, for millions of women, and men, around the world, those relationships are often intricately interwoven with dependents and money and property, combined with a complete erosion of self-esteem and confidence, which can make it nigh on impossible to simply walk away without significantly preparing the way. There are a plethora of noted violence cases around the same issue, as vividly shown in the graph below.
If you find yourself caught up in the trap of an abusive relationship, and have come to the decision that finding a way out of that relationship is vital to both your emotional and physical well-being (and possibly that of your children’s too) then it is pivotal to start preparing an exit plan.
By approaching your escape more methodically, you will have a better chance of it being successful, eliminating the potential risk of returning to the relationship either through circumstances or coercion.
Prepare Yourself Mentally and Emotionally
Your emotional state is key to executing your escape plan successfully. Being caught up in an abusive relationship can erode your confidence and resilience, and you need to get yourself into a state, possibly with trusted external support around you, that provides you with the strength to carry out your convictions.
Remember, part of the abuse is your partner’s ability to confuse and gaslight you, and a period of calm might see your conviction to leave wavering. You need to keep in mind why you are planning accordingly.
Get Your Paperwork in Order
One of the least well-known ways that an abuser controls their victim is by taking ownership of official documents such as passports and driving licenses. Make sure you get your hands on these – even if it is just photocopies at this stage. Having some form of identity is imperative if you want to lodge legal proceedings against your abuser.
Do You Know: As per national statistics, 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men experience intimate partner physical violence, person stalking, and sexual violence.
Educate Yourself about Legal Injunctions
There are several legal injunctions that you may be able to take out against your abuser, such as an occupation order, a specific issue order, and a prohibited steps order. Find out as much as you can about them, if they apply to your particular circumstances, and what you need to do to get one in place.
If necessary speak to a solicitor, or approach a domestic abuse charity who will be able to advise you from a more official perspective. The victim must get clarity on everything around the abuses and related steps that can be taken at the same time.
This is particularly pivotal if you have to take into account childcare arrangements. If not done properly and legally, your partner may be in a position to sue you for taking the children without permission.
Set Aside an Escape Plan Pot of Money
While it is appreciated that many people living in abusive situations also have restricted access to money, please try and build up a hidden account that will give you the means to finance your escape plan.
There are some schemes out there whereby banks have partnered with domestic abuse charities to put in place measures that can help and protect victims of economic abuse, so you may need to do some homework to find a scheme that suits your needs.
Keep a Diary of All Incidents of Abuse
You MUST keep a record of all the times that your partner has been abusive. This will allow a solicitor to build up a case against your partner in any future legal proceedings. As part of this, make sure you gather as much evidence as possible, if that takes the form of photographs, threatening messages, voicemails and emails, damage to property, or independent witnesses.
Escaping from an abusive relationship is never going to be easy, but the more prepared you are, the better the chances of making your escape plan a final break from a frightening situation.
